A frequent question I hear has to do with the so-called ‘unavoidable antisocial situation’ — the belligerent drunk who picks you, you get the luxury of seeing it coming, but there is no escape. What then?
I invite you to read this tragic article about the recent death of a soldier under similar circumstances:
Soldier dies after bar fight over Jimmy Buffett song
My heart goes out to his friends and family — as someone who has lost a loved one to violence, I know how it feels. It punches a hole in your life, hollows you out, and nothing is ever the same again.
Also note that we had three similar incidents here in San Diego just last year — an argument goes to fisticuffs, and someone winds up dead. In all of these cases, that was not the intent of the activity. But that’s how it wound up. One life needlessly taken and innumerable others changed forever.
Regardless of what you may think, you don’t have to go there. Most of the time when people claim it’s unavoidable what they’re really saying is they don’t want to leave, not that they can’t.
Everyone gets the difference between the antisocial and the asocial, or at least when we paint it in bold strokes — the senseless and avoidable bar fight on one end, and home invasion/murder on the other. The answer to the first one is don’t play along — use your social skills to solve it, up to and including just plain getting the hell out of there. The answer to the second one is injury, injury, injury.
But what about that fuzzy part in the middle?
First, a couple of things about why it’s even a question:
1) You recognize that you don’t really want to hurt him, and this lack of intent pretty much defines the antisocial. You know violence is inappropriate in this situation and that even if you’re victorious there could be serious legal repercussions.
2) I don’t think you’re trying hard enough to get away. I think you’re still hung up on the ego of the whole situation and you’d really rather not leave. Whether it’s because you think others will think less of you, you’ll lose face or social standing, or can’t face yourself — you’ve still got ego tied up in it. And that’s a proven killer.
And now, some answers:
Q: Is it possible to ‘take someone out’ without hurting them?
A: Sure, as long as they’re a quitter to begin with. If they’re not, you’re in for a hell of a fight. And if they read the situation differently, you can end up in the hospital or dead. It ends up as a roll of the dice — most of the time people don’t die in bar fights. When they do, everyone’s really sorry. And while I’m sure the dead men never expected it, it only had to happen to them once.
If you’re interested in such things, pretty much everybody else out there trains for the antisocial. Just be aware that you’re stuck doing what you train, and it’s almost impossible to switch back and forth. It’s far easier to train for violence and then literally go out of your way to avoid the stupid stuff.
And as a cop friend of mine says, “It’s all stupid stuff.”
Q: Does violence work in the antisocial realm?
A: Yes it does. Like gangbusters. Regardless of the venue, from sport to competition to brawling to killing, breaking things inside of people is a show-stopper. And while you can go a long way by avoiding targets known to be killers — crushing the throat, breaking the neck, bouncing the brain off the sidewalk or kicking a downed man in the head — you’re still rolling the dice.
I’ve read at least one paper that discussed a fatality from a strike to the side of the neck, and heard tell of another, so you never know. You can go in to ‘just knock the wind out of him’ and end up giving him a heart attack, should he already be at risk (not something you could know just looking at him).
In the end, you risk your life whenever you break the physical plane. I won’t hesitate to bet my life when my life’s at stake — but it’s just plain stupid to bet your life when it’s about ego.
Go out of your way to get to the rest of your day. If that means there are establishments you just don’t go to because they have a reputation for aggressive antisocial behavior, then so be it. If it’s your kink to hang out in places like that, just realize you’re choosing to ignore the risk and it’s all on you.
Me, I’d rather not have my night — and a nice dress shirt — ruined by an antisocial run-in I was too ‘manly’ to avoid. Even if you ‘win’ chances are you’ll need stitches and a lawyer. And if you lose, well, it could mean your life.
For what?
Chris Ranck-Buhr,
TFT Master Instructor
PS. If you missed them, check out both my recent comments on the post below (just click on the ‘comments’ link, mine are near the bottom of the screen that opens up).
Reply to comment